Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on
Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: “Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you — everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world.”
When they arrived at the therapist’s
When they arrived at the therapist’s office, the therapist jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?” Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles and hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. [...]
Patient: Doctor, my
Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too. Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I’ve got hundreds of them.
One behaviorist to another after
One behaviorist to another after lovemaking: “Darling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for me?”
A doctor of psychology was doing his
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient [...]
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, “It seems I can’t make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?”
How many Dependent P.D. does to take to
How many Dependent P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? None, he’s still clinging to the old lightbulb.
How many psychoanalysts does it take to
How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb? “How many do you think it takes?”
How many psychiatrists does it take to
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? “How long have you been having this phantasy?”
Doctor, doctor, I’ve only got 59
Doctor, doctor, I’ve only got 59 seconds to live. Wait a minute please.
