Monster: I’m so ugly.
Monster: I’m so ugly. Ghost: It’s not that bad! Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out cigars. When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes. When I was born they simply passed out.
Last night I dreamt I was
Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world What was I wearing ?
My boyfriend thinks I’m
My boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful Well they do say that love is blind !
Your ugly.
Your ugly. And you’re drunk. Yes, but in the morning I’ll be sober !
I don’t think these photographs
I don’t think these photographs you’ve taken do me justice. You don’t want justice – you want mercy !
Two teenage boys were
Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said, ‘I took my girlfriend to see ‘The bride of Dracula’ last night.’ ‘Oh yeah,’ said the other, ‘ what was she like ?’ ‘Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had big red staring eyes and fangs.’ The other [...]
Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for
Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ? Man: It did for a while – then it fell off.
Julie had broken off her
Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. ‘I thought it was love at first sight,’ said Julie. ‘It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.
Girlfriend: Will you love me when I’m old and
Girlfriend: Will you love me when I’m old and fat and ugly? Boyfriend: Of course I do !
Little Johnny and
Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother’s ear. ‘Johnny, how many times have I told you,’ said his mother, ‘ it’s rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.’ ‘OK, said Johnny, ‘why does the lady over there [...]
